In the last few months, I hadn’t realized how I had checked out of my life. I have been here, but not present at all. I was completely checked out for all purposes. I realize I do not handle stress well at all. My normal coping method is to work but I couldn’t even do that. I kept blaming my state of being on outside things when really the problem was me.
Over the past months I have been speaking a lot and it was at a recent talk that it all clicked. It was an energy filled room and I could not keep still and I could not figure out why. I was restless but raring to go. I believe this was God working in me. When it was my turn to speak, I, for the first time in years heard my story. Ok yes that sounds crazy but it’s true. I tell my story all the time but for the first time I heard it.
What does that mean. It simple, I had forgotten who I was and in hearing me talk about the little girl who grew up to be me. I realized I had a lot to be excited about and a lot to be proud of. I have been letting small things and small people keep me from moving forward. In the middle of hearing my story I got it. I understood I was letting outside people define me and if their definition was negative, I was taking these in like they were gospel.
I feel like hearing my story was like when Superman goes to the sun to recharge. I left that talk and went home and was completely sick. I hadn’t felt that sick in a long time and realized I had not felt in a long time. When you are living in a world filled with so much hate and despair and I couldn’t feel one way or another. Getting home that night and feeling like I may never be well again was the best feeling in the world because it was a feeling.
I realized for me checking out was my way of trying to shield myself from the hurt and pain and disappointment I see in the world, as well as in my real life. However, I know it is time to check back in.
My Five steps to checking back in:
1. Write it down. I realized I had stop writing anything down including my goals.
2. Work it out. I don’t work out for any other reason than to clear my mind.
3. Read. I spend so much time focused on real world problems that drifting in to a fictitious world gives me peace for small bits of time.
4. Laugh. Being home sick gave me time to do nothing so I watched tv (which I rarely do) and I laughed myself silly. It really is the best medicine.
5. Put your pride aside. I am the girl who never asks for help. Once I did I opened myself up for the blessing you need from people who have your back.
Now lets talk about this outfit
The dress is the Mock Neck Sheath from Eloquii I saw this dress when it came on line and I had to have it. I love that it is a perfect dress for work while still having a little sexiness for happy hour. The shoes oh the shoes. I thought if you are going to own a pair of Louboutins why not make them fun these metallic cork midi pumps are perfect. The Chanel Brooch was my 39th birthday present from my hubby.